An email from a high school classmate popped into my inbox this week announcing an upcoming reunion. Strange to see Scott’s name from decades ago, a real flashback--seemed almost back to the Twilight Zone!
I was a California girl during the Beach Boys era and moved across the continent right after college graduation. In all these years, I’ve never once trekked back to attend a high school reunion or heard much about what happened to the 500+ classmates in my graduating class. My time was invested in pursuing my career, traveling nonstop for quite some time, raising a family, checking off all the things in my “must see and do” list while attending to all the multiple priorities that involve the pursuit of happiness.
Scott’s email arrived just as my life is changing again. It’s been whirling for four years due to the journey in discovering the mystery of what had happened to my husband’s brain and body when the medical community didn’t have answers. Then, dealing with all the repercussions of his permanent disability of dementia resulting from toxicity due to environmental causes, biotoxins and more.
In a few days I become a full-fledged empty-nester. My oldest daughter, Stephanie, who returned home two years ago to work right after college, has taken a job on a cruise ship, sailing away to her new adventures in foreign ports. My youngest daughter, Stacy, graduates from Virginia Tech in May, and then will romp across Europe before taking a job in the hospitality field. My husband left me after 30 years of marriage exactly a year ago today because his brain was horribly impaired from toxic exposure and inadequate mental health laws unable to assist him. He now permanently resides in a dementia unit, long before the time when that might be expected. So, I’m holding down the “fort”, not really wanting to hold on to the property that represents my life I’ve now outgrown.
So Scott’s email brought to mind a time when life literally was a beach, one carefree strip of golden sand after another. Now, life has become much more complex. I’m sorting out piles of paperwork, care concerns and where I want and need to invest my time, energy, finances and so many critical decisions while focusing on an attitude of gratitude through it all. I must be true to my values of adhering to maintaining my well-being no matter what forces are at work in my life.
I’m now in the process of re-engineering my life, because it changed dramatically from where I thought I was headed. Quite unexpected and uninvited experiences forced me off one path and now it’s time to map out new steps to a different destiny, all in the Guts, Grace & Gusto spirit. It gives me real-life opportunity to continually walk my talk for leading an authentic life.
Getting a sampling of stories from Scott our former classmates' are doing the same—whether reeling from divorce, dealing with the mid-life dating scene, their own diseases and disabilities or those of a loved one, death of a spouse, and other unexpected events that will make us twist and turn along the way. Through the process, re-birth happens as new insights and/or insights eventually evolve, and from making choices to allow life to transform into something wonderful again.
I’ve come to accept that life’s natural flow is one of dealing with continuing change and does spin into chaos for a time. I may not like when it seems so out-of-control, but resistance doesn’t work so I try to go with the flow and breathe along the way. I’ve sustained myself through times of transition by releasing expectations that life wasn’t supposed to go this way, letting go of trying to do it all perfectly, gaining support from others as well as offering support when their lives are spinning. These are just a few of the strategies, of which Allie and I speak on to audiences that can help when life inevitably takes us down a different path.
Here’s to all of us who are managing the best we can to traverse transitions with courage, faith and wisdom. Holding on when you have to let go isn’t easy, but letting go when we’d rather hang on is the path that often takes us to a greater expression of who we are and what more we can be.
With guts, grace & gusto!
Sandra Strauss
Labels: Boomer moves, dealing with mid-life change, Managing life's transitions, transitions
posted by Sandy at 3:20 PM