Guts, Grace & Gusto

An email from a high school classmate popped into my inbox this week announcing an upcoming reunion. Strange to see Scott’s name from decades ago, a real flashback--seemed almost back to the Twilight Zone!

I was a California girl during the Beach Boys era and moved across the continent right after college graduation. In all these years, I’ve never once trekked back to attend a high school reunion or heard much about what happened to the 500+ classmates in my graduating class. My time was invested in pursuing my career, traveling nonstop for quite some time, raising a family, checking off all the things in my “must see and do” list while attending to all the multiple priorities that involve the pursuit of happiness.

Scott’s email arrived just as my life is changing again. It’s been whirling for four years due to the journey in discovering the mystery of what had happened to my husband’s brain and body when the medical community didn’t have answers. Then, dealing with all the repercussions of his permanent disability of dementia resulting from toxicity due to environmental causes, biotoxins and more.

In a few days I become a full-fledged empty-nester. My oldest daughter, Stephanie, who returned home two years ago to work right after college, has taken a job on a cruise ship, sailing away to her new adventures in foreign ports. My youngest daughter, Stacy, graduates from Virginia Tech in May, and then will romp across Europe before taking a job in the hospitality field. My husband left me after 30 years of marriage exactly a year ago today because his brain was horribly impaired from toxic exposure and inadequate mental health laws unable to assist him. He now permanently resides in a dementia unit, long before the time when that might be expected. So, I’m holding down the “fort”, not really wanting to hold on to the property that represents my life I’ve now outgrown.

So Scott’s email brought to mind a time when life literally was a beach, one carefree strip of golden sand after another. Now, life has become much more complex. I’m sorting out piles of paperwork, care concerns and where I want and need to invest my time, energy, finances and so many critical decisions while focusing on an attitude of gratitude through it all. I must be true to my values of adhering to maintaining my well-being no matter what forces are at work in my life.

I’m now in the process of re-engineering my life, because it changed dramatically from where I thought I was headed. Quite unexpected and uninvited experiences forced me off one path and now it’s time to map out new steps to a different destiny, all in the Guts, Grace & Gusto spirit. It gives me real-life opportunity to continually walk my talk for leading an authentic life.

Getting a sampling of stories from Scott our former classmates' are doing the same—whether reeling from divorce, dealing with the mid-life dating scene, their own diseases and disabilities or those of a loved one, death of a spouse, and other unexpected events that will make us twist and turn along the way. Through the process, re-birth happens as new insights and/or insights eventually evolve, and from making choices to allow life to transform into something wonderful again.

I’ve come to accept that life’s natural flow is one of dealing with continuing change and does spin into chaos for a time. I may not like when it seems so out-of-control, but resistance doesn’t work so I try to go with the flow and breathe along the way. I’ve sustained myself through times of transition by releasing expectations that life wasn’t supposed to go this way, letting go of trying to do it all perfectly, gaining support from others as well as offering support when their lives are spinning. These are just a few of the strategies, of which Allie and I speak on to audiences that can help when life inevitably takes us down a different path.

Here’s to all of us who are managing the best we can to traverse transitions with courage, faith and wisdom. Holding on when you have to let go isn’t easy, but letting go when we’d rather hang on is the path that often takes us to a greater expression of who we are and what more we can be.

With guts, grace & gusto!

Sandra Strauss

Labels: Boomer moves, dealing with mid-life change, Managing life's transitions, transitions

Are you enjoying or making moments of delight today? With a long to-do list, you might respond, “Delight? Are you kidding? Can’t devote time to that! I’m too stressed right now with too many demands dealing with a never-ending pile of responsibilities and obligations.” If joy is on the backburner, your well-being is at risk.

It’s especially when life spins in so many directions that snatching as well as reliving more moments of joy can boost your sagging spirits. After enduring an especially tumultuous year of much heartbreak and stress, I knew that my own spirits were in need of a lift and focused upon the Guts, Grace and Gusto Heart Core guideline, “Create more moments of daily delight.” I’m now even more committed to doing that and savoring every delicious one. Sometimes you don’t need to create them. They’re right there. All you need to do is scoop them up, soak them in and savor them.

“Mindful savoring” is a term coined by Fred B. Bryant, PhD, social psychologist at Loyola University Chicago relating to the things we think and do to intensity or prolong positive feelings. Experiencing joy means opening yourself up to it. It’s taking time to enjoy positive experiences. Seems so simple, yet it's a skill that few people have mastered because we're often busy and focusing on our responsibilities, worries, and woes rather than taking time to the fleeting, spontaneous events that enrich our lives and touch our souls.

Happiness is a state of mind and we’re each in charge of our own. Day by day, we weave together moments of experience, choosing either consciously or unconsciously, the energetic quality of our life—making it magical or miserable. Joy and delight in all your little moments will add up to something big—a life filled with magic in everyday encounters.

Better Health through Happiness

Mindful savoring doesn't only enhance our feeling of well-being, Bryant notes. It may also improve health. A substantial body of related research indicates that people with a positive outlook about growing older recover more quickly from illness and live longer—7 1/2 years on average, according to a large Yale University study—than people with more negative views. People who scored highest on a test Bryant designed measuring savoring ability also reported fewer illnesses.

Other studies have found that giving, receiving, and even viewing acts of kindness and joy increase serotonin levels in our brains, combating depression and reducing the stress hormones of adrenalin and cortisol. Laughter, another expression of joy, releases endorphins that naturally relieve pain as well as HGH, another hormone that’s important for growth, development, healthy cells and linked to a healthy immune system. Even the anticipation of a fun activity can trigger the production of endorphins and reduce stress hormones. That’s a moment well spent!

What are some ways to create more delight?

Make a list of the things that bring you joy. Think of the things that refresh your spirit, the times you are smiling, laughing, hugging, helping others, using your gifts, delighting in the wonders of nature, trying something new, being spontaneous—all the things that bring you joy. Keep adding to your list and do them as often as possible.

Carve out quality time in slices throughout each day—bantering with service professionals, cooing with a baby while standing in a check-out line, lightening up phone and email correspondence with humor, having a heart-to-heart talk with a friend, sharing laughter anytime, anywhere.

Share positive feelings. Sharing happy memories and experiences with others—or anticipating them—is one of the most powerful and effective ways to prolong and magnify joy, Bryant's research reveals. "It helps sustain emotions that would otherwise fade," he says. Affirming connections with others is "the glue that holds people together." Tell people how much they mean to you, how much you value them. Gather goodwill and spread it everywhere. Our positive connections with others is salve for our souls and touches the hearts of others as well.

Create sensory memories. As you’re experiencing joyful moments, soak in all the sensory impressions and live that moment fully--a warm embrace that melts away all cares, being warmed by a fire, a kiss that lights up the night, the fragrance of flowers, watching the blazing colors of a sunset dance across the sky, the taste of a favorite food on your tastebuds. Soak it all in while in that moment. Joy is created by reliving those moments later in vivid detail, time and time again.

Appreciate Earth’s treasures. Saturate your senses with the miracles of nature, drinking in its sights, sounds, and smells. Stroll through a forest soaking up the fragrance of pine, listen to the wind rustling through the trees or the crunching of snow , the silvery shadows cast across a luminous, moonlit landscape. Live in awe of it all.

Look for joy even when that may be hard to do. Refocus your attention to find the good wherever you are. Finding a slice or even a sliver of joy can help you better cope with adversity. Learn from the seasons. There are growing times and hibernating times, days of glory and days of dormancy, seasons of abundance and seasons of scarcity. Become tuned to the seasons of life. Weather the storms of despair. Remind yourself it is a cycle, that life is changing and that you are in the process of being regenerated. Let joy work its magic.

Creating delight is living (and laughing!) in the moment and mindfully savoring those delicious memories-- making and taking the time to notice, to care, to listen, to love, and to nurture, as well as revel in moments of relaxation, excitement, tenderness, laughter, and beauty—the infinite human expressions that bring us pure pleasure.

Labels: creating joy, mindful savoring, stress management, stress-busters